A little peek from inside my break
It's Saturday, December 21, 2019, and I'm writing this blog post from the basement of a hostel in central London. If you've been following me on YouTube, Twitter/Periscope and Twitch, you'll probably have noticed me going radio silent a couple of weeks ago, announcing on Twitter that I was taking a break to "focus on my mental health."
I'm going to give you all the details in my next video, which I plan to upload this week. And I wasn't supposed to post anything until my "coming back" video is published, but I can't help it. I miss you guys, my online fam. Life without you is kinda lonely. And boring.
It's hard for me to not feel lost without constantly updating the world of my thoughts and activities throughout the day. It's like none of my experiences are real unless I share them with a group of loving people who are available 24/7 to hear and give feedback to what I have to say. My social media identity has almost taken place of my own sense of self, if I ever had one.
That's why it had to be done. I needed to prove to myself that I cared about what I had to say, regardless of whether anybody else did. I needed to have some conversations with myself that nobody else would hear. I have some of the most loving, most loyal fans on the planet, and I'm so incredibly lucky for that. But I've got to make sure I don't allow myself to base my sense of self on other humans, because not all humans are as loving or as encouraging as my fans.
People often accuse social media users of basing our entire self-confidence on feedback from strangers on the internet. That could be true, but so what? If we're basing our entire self-confidence on feedback from strangers, did we have any in the first place? I don't think I did. Most of my childhood, I wanted to just disappear! Looking internally, my self-confidence skyrocketed ever since I started my social media journey.
So I don't care where I got my self-confidence, I care that I have it and it causes me to do great things. And those great things will help me have the confidence to do other great things. Can't wait to be back in full force... :)