For all the think pieces and women's marches complaining about how oppressed and sullen women's lives are in this country, you'd think I'm writing this post from a dark cellar in a pool of my own menstrual blood, surrounded by cats. Sure-- menstrual cycles are hell-- but lesbehonest... being a girl is a freaking blast. And anybody who tells you otherwise probably has a penis.
Here are just a few perks of being a girl:
1. Free drinks
Remember the saying, "there's no such thing as a free lunch?" Well, there is if you're a girl.
As a girl, you'll never have to buy yourself a drink on a girls' night out, unless you really want to. It doesn't matter how pretty you look or feel. As long as you're a 'she', drunk men will clamor for the chance to buy you a drink. And even if they act like they expect something in return, they really don't. Trust me.
When you're a girl, men are usually just happy they had the opportunity to buy you something. Even if it means they got to stand next to you for like two seconds.
2. Female sexual predator? LOL.
I'm pretty sure if I was a dude, I'd have been reported for sexual harassment, like, yesterday. Hee hee.
But the great thing about being a girl is that you get to be free and fun with your sexuality and hit on whomever you want, and nobody ever accuses you of being a sexual predator. And if they do, they're usually saying it as a compliment. Or everybody mocks them for being a beta who gets sexually harassed by girls.
Oh, and you can make out with other girls and feel their boobs and nobody will call you gay. They'll actually think it's hot.
Girlfriends are awesome. They'll help you get over a breakup, get in with a crush, and even prank an ex-boyfriend. Being a girl automatically gives you a key to the universal girls' emotional support club.
Guys don't have that as much. Girls are much more likely to talk about our feelings with other girls, and be more receptive to other girls' feelings. And we're more likely to help a sister out when she's going through a tough time, because we know she's probably not using that girl talk to get in your pants.
Sorry, guys. Sisters before misters.
Yup. Periods suck. But not always. You can use periods to your advantage in more ways than you know-- especially if you spend time around men.
See, men are usually so grossed out by the idea of blood coming out of your vagina. And they feel bad for you. It is pretty gross and awful, if you think about it. All that blood and puke and blood...
So you can get out of almost anything at work, at school, even at a family function-- all you've gotta do is hint that you've got your period! For example, tell your male boss you're having "female issues." He won't even ask further. And he won't even ask for a doctor's note!
See? Being a girl is fun. And as the great Cyndi Lauper once (or a bajillion times) said, "Girls just wanna have fun." So have fun! And stop listening to all the debbie-downers. They're probably as oppressed as they say they are.