How to get over a breakup
Getting dumped or rejected by somebody you really like is almost inevitable if you're human. In a lot of cases, being rejected by somebody you care about can lead to strong feelings of depression and anxiety. It doesn't matter if you were rejected by your crush after asking them out once, or whether you broke up with someone after years of living with them. It's all gut-wrenching!
How sad is it that somebody else has that much power over your feelings of self-worth?
Well, don't let that all scare you from putting your heart out there. People who don't appreciate you don't deserve your time anyway. Besides, I made this step-by-step guide for you in case it all goes wrong.
In the tragic case that the confident, flawless, strong you was *gasp* rejected by some random schmuck, here is what you should do:
Phase 1: Ride Out Your Feelings
The first day after your rejection, you may be way too depressed to dive into something fun or productive. You may not want to read this or any other self-help article, and you actually might just want to stay in bed all day. That's okay.
The first step toward getting over your feelings of rejection and despair is to let those feelings wash over you. Maybe watch a really sad movie, or play some super sad or angry music, or take a walk in the woods while letting yourself get lost in your sorrow. No need to shave or wear makeup, or force yourself to smile or talk to anybody. Sometimes you just gotta bawl your eyes out and then take a deep breath.
Stop trying to control your feelings all the time. It's okay to be human.
Phase 2: Clean Up the Mess
After you're all cried out, it's time to wipe your tears. The keyword: basic. In this phase, you've just gotta basically clean up your life in every way.
Shower, shave, brush your teeth and hair. Then clean up your home-- no need to spend a lot of time deep cleaning. Just clean it enough that it makes you feel basically comfortable with how everything looks. And finally, clean up your finances. Make sure your bills are paid on time, make sure you've organized your documents in the right order, that work affairs are done and that your taxes are paid.
Now that you're cleaned and inevitably feeling a lot calmer, you're ready to work on the real ego-building.
Phase 3: Be Your Own Fairy Godmother
Clean is not enough for you to get over feelings of rejection. You want to feel magnificent. This is the phase in your recovery where you transform from Ella to Cinderella.
Hit the gym. Lift weights. Take photos of yourself at the gym lifting weights. Change your hairstyle; maybe dye your hair or get a dramatic haircut or a blowout. Maybe get that tattoo or piercing you were thinking of getting for some time.
Be bold. Do things you were too scared of doing when you were busy pursuing your crush or being in a relationship. Go skydiving, or hiking, or skiing, or maybe try that art project you never got around to doing.
And most importantly, look fresh. Wear makeup, do your hair and nails, and wear the sexiest outfit you've ever had. Take photos of yourself as record of how hot you are right now.
Phase 4: Get a Reality Check
If you're still reeling over rejection by someone you were into romantically, chances are, simply fixing yourself and looking sexy in your mirror isn't gonna be enough to make you feel sexy. You've gotta get your sexy new look out in the public and see yourself from an outsider's perspective. And since you're your own biggest critic, the public feedback is almost certainly gonna be positive. That way you'll really know you're a catch.
Where are you gonna get this public positive reinforcement? For starters, a bar's always a good idea. Any public place where you're enjoying yourself alone, really. Sit down, order yourself a single drink and pull out a magazine. People love to bother people who look like they're enjoying themselves alone. You'll attract a looker in no time.
Phase 5: Time for a Rebound
People often say you shouldn't jump back into courtship when you have just suffered rejection. You run the risk of a "rebound", which is usually temporary and almost never seems to work in the long-term.
Who cares, though? Sign up for a dating app. Go out-- to events, bars, workshops, seminars. Ask people out. If being around a new person helps you get over the old one, then you have accomplished your mission. You may not be obsessed with this new person, but you've certainly allowed yourself to take a breather from your obsession with the old one. Remember this quote?
"The best way to get over him/her is to get under someone new."
Well, that might not be the most effective way. But it's way, way more effective than harping over one person for a big chunk of your life and wasting time meeting anybody new because of it. Plus, if you've already completed Phases 1 through 4 listed above, you've already done everything you can in the short-term. Just keep meeting people and exploring-- and the right people will come along when they do.
Remember, dating is more about finding yourself than it is about finding others. No single person is the answer to your needs. And if you ask me, a "soulmate" is nothing but a person who is highly compatible with your life in that moment.
Don't be scared of falling in love with a new person all over again. You won't-- if you were so obsessed with your old crush, chances are the new person will be just enough to pull you out of your misery but not enough that you'll fall for someone new right away.
And if you're one of those people who can get over an old crush/relationship as soon as the next person comes along-- then you've proved to yourself that you weren't so deeply into the old person to begin with! You're probably just bored. Haha.