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What your dog is really thinking of you

Dec 12, 2018
2 min

What your dog is really thinking of you

Earlier today, I asked a bunch of people which animal they'd interview if they could, and a lot of people picked their pet dogs. At first I found it cute that so many people care about their dogs' thoughts and opinions, but then I got the feeling that perhaps we go a bit overboard with the dog-humanizing. You don't muse over a chicken's thoughts as you cook and eat it, or a fly's thoughts as you swat it from your face, or a horse's thoughts as you ride it. What makes your dog

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Proof we live in a first-world hellhole

Nov 7, 2018
3 min

Proof we live in a first-world hellhole

What's morality to you? In other words, what do you consider good behavior and what do you consider bad behavior? In old times, the answer may have been something like "I consider cheating or lying immoral" or "I consider kindness and love to be moral." But in corporate America, the lines between good and bad are so blurred that in many cases we've managed to flip morality completely on its head. Good is no longer good, and bad is no longer bad. Good is bad and bad is good.

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Top eight 'boof' songs

Oct 5, 2018
2 min

Top eight 'boof' songs

Earlier this evening, I challenged Twitter to a song lyric contest with the word 'boof'. In case you're wondering why the word 'boof' suddenly became a rockstar in Google Trends a couple days ago... ...it's probably because Supreme Court justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh's high school yearbook from 35 years ago had made a reference to that word, which apparently means 'fart.' And his critics felt that was noteworthy when calling for an FBI investigation. Anyway, I compiled a li

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The perks with being a girl

Oct 3, 2018
3 min

The perks with being a girl

For all the think pieces and women's marches complaining about how oppressed and sullen women's lives are in this country, you'd think I'm writing this post from a dark cellar in a pool of my own menstrual blood, surrounded by cats. Sure-- menstrual cycles are hell-- but lesbehonest... being a girl is a freaking blast. And anybody who tells you otherwise probably has a penis. Here are just a few perks of being a girl: 1. Free drinks Remember the saying, "there's no such thing

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The reason everybody hates you

Sep 6, 2018
3 min

The reason everybody hates you

If you're like me, you've probably asked yourself this question a bajillion times by now: Why does everybody hate me? It's a good question, and it's usually not unwarranted. You're not being paranoid. Have you ever noticed that the people who ask this question the most are usually the most hated? That's because the answer to this question is the question itself. Most people really don't care about you enough to hate you. That's the truth. And even if almost everybody did hate

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What women in Washington, D.C. like to do in their free time

Sep 5, 2018
2 min

What women in Washington, D.C. like to do in their free time

I'm sitting in a cafe in Capitol Hill. It's a hot, sunny Wednesday afternoon. I'm surrounded by four tables, all occupied by women who look like they are in their fifties: one table is at my 12 o'clock, one at 1 o'clock, one at 11 o'clock, and one at 9 o'clock. Why are there so many women here?! Is this what politicians' wives do while their husbands are grilling tech CEO's in congressional hearings? I wonder. It feels like I'm at a ladies' luncheon back in Beverly Hills, whe

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What being dead probably feels like

Sep 4, 2018
3 min

What being dead probably feels like

Something odd has been happening to me lately. I keep having panic episodes surrounding sickness and death. Some of these panics come in the form of horrible dreams, such as that time I dreamt I had syphilis; and some happen spontaneously during consciousness-- like that time I noticed a pimple on my face and was convinced right away that I had cancer. This is a relatively new thing for me. I hadn't been dreaming of fatal illnesses until just this past year. When the sudden f

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Some girls make wedding scrapbooks. This is my kind of scrapbook...

Sep 3, 2018
3 min

Some girls make wedding scrapbooks. This is my kind of scrapbook...

Some girls spend their high school years making wedding scrapbooks; a.k.a. pamphlets filled with detailed notes and designs for how they want their future weddings to be like, down to every last table centerpiece. To the parents' dismay, I was more of a money scrapbooker. I spent most of my high school years thinking of ways to make money and dreaming of being a rich entrepreneur someday who gets to travel the world and tell people what to do. I tutored, babysat, taught piano

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The secret to finding your creative streak

Aug 24, 2018
3 min

The secret to finding your creative streak

The past couple of weeks have been slow. In my mind, that is. I love what I do all day-- writing, editing, coming up with ideas-- it's the dream life. So why is everything I produce lately starting to feel boring and identical? Unfortunately, 'dream life' isn't enough to get the creative juices flowing. There's gotta be a plan, or jolter; something that will almost force the creativity to jumpstart without it feeling forced. So, I sat down with several highly creative people

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I accidentally came out of the "un-Orthodox" closet. Whoops.

May 22, 2018
3 min

I accidentally came out of the "un-Orthodox" closet. Whoops.

Since this information is long overdue, I'll say it now: I'm no longer Orthodox. Surprise. This news may come as a shock to people who knew me growing up, since I was raised in a devout Orthodox Jewish family and attended Yeshivish/ultra-Orthodox schools up until I went to college, and always followed the rules for the most part. The ultra-Orthodox community, as isolationist and secluded as it is, tends to be misunderstood by the secular world, and even by the rest of the Ort

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A tale of two homeless people

Mar 16, 2018
2 min

A tale of two homeless people

I was walking home from school the other day, when I was stopped by two homeless people asking for money on a street corner. Normally, I rush past homeless people and pretend not to see them, because there are so many of them in D.C. But this time, I had some change in my pocket I was ready to let go of. The first homeless guy had a smile on his face while holding out his money cup. The second guy looked angry. I split my change into two, and gave them each what felt like an

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I ran into Trump's comms director at Whole Foods. Here's how that went

Nov 28, 2017
2 min

I ran into Trump's comms director at Whole Foods. Here's how that went

President Trump's communication's director does her own grocery shopping. And she does it without anybody to assist or guard her. She's a strong, independent woman, you could say. Anyway, I was spacing out in the canned foods section of the downtown DC Whole Foods when I suddenly noticed 28-year-old Hope Hicks pushing a shopping cart to the register. I recognized her instantly. She was dressed in a white dress, black coat, and white flats you could tell she didn't wear at wor

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7 ways to avoid politics at your Thanksgiving table

Nov 23, 2017
2 min

7 ways to avoid politics at your Thanksgiving table

Bringing up politics at your family Thanksgiving dinner is a great way to easily become the most unpopular person at the table and maybe even banned from future dinners... especially if you've got family members on all sides of the political spectrum. But if you're like me, you simply can't shut up about politics for an entire meal. It's really difficult. It's like depriving yourself from alcohol at a raving party or reading Hillary Clinton's entire memoir with your eyes open

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